Antidepressants are often thought to numb your thoughts, feelings, senses…. Yet now I live in a world without them I realise again the numbness of depression and being a depressive. It’s got to be one of the worst bits of depression, that inability to feel….. We’re bloody good at the sadness and the disappointment…. But God! Sometimes I want to feel the love that fills my life, the happiness, the joy, the excitement.
Sometimes I have to make a conscious effort, to act like others and fake these emotions…. Sometimes this helps and I feel glimmers of actually feeling them again… And sometimes it tires me out and I want to go back to bed and lay in my emotionless depressive pit again.
It was easier to feel when the chemicals numbed the negative….. So I now I have to find my own way to display happiness and joy…. Answers on a postcard please.