The numbness 

  
So I’m doing okay…. Yes I’ve had tears, shouting, fear, more tears. But I’m getting there, life without the little white pills that kept me going. 

Antidepressants are often thought to numb your thoughts, feelings, senses…. Yet now I live in a world without them I realise again the numbness of depression and being a depressive. It’s got to be one of the worst bits of depression, that inability to feel….. We’re bloody good at the sadness and the disappointment…. But God! Sometimes I want to feel the love that fills my life, the happiness, the joy, the excitement. 

Sometimes I have to make a conscious effort, to act like others and fake these emotions…. Sometimes this helps and I feel glimmers of actually feeling them again… And sometimes it tires me out and I want to go back to bed and lay in my emotionless depressive pit again. 

It was easier to feel when the chemicals numbed the negative….. So I now I have to find my own way to display happiness and joy…. Answers on a postcard please. 

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