I am insecure.
I always tell new partners I’m insecure.
I could spend hours analysing, looking for that specific moment when my confidence drained. When I thought that everyone would always think the grass was always greener than to stay and be with me.
I have been loved, hated, cared for, stamped on, adored, heartbroken…. But haven’t we all.
Yet some people seem to fit into a new relationship and either hide or ignore their insecurities…. Mine rush through me, shoving the other person away from me, giving them a reason to leave.
I often and can’t seem to help think if I was different, people would love me more, if I wasn’t so grumpy or didn’t enjoy to swear my head off at the rugby or spend more money on my car than is probably sensible…. Then I’d be be happily married by now, caring for a husband and expecting kids.
I know this is nonsense…. But yet I look for these excuses…. Am I scared to let myself be loved or will my aniexty, fears, insecurities always stop me… I’m never sure what part of me is actually in control.
I would do anything to suppress my fears to put my confident secure self back in the driving seat….