Sometimes I wish I had thicker skin. Sometimes I wish the negativity would just run off me. Sometimes I wish I could just shrug it off. That I didn’t let it penetrate myself y mind and allow it chip away at me. To wake me up in the night, stealing my sleep, fragment my focus.
But yet I seem incapable of this.
I’m not sure if there is a trick to doing this… is anyone capable of mastering it. Are those who can emotionless, devoid of love and compassion?
But even if I could just let fifty percent of the negativity wash over me, then it would make this journey easier. It would make my sleep my peaceful and my mind less cluttered.
Im having a good day.
I can feel mr anxiety in the background but today I’ve got him under control. I stick him in the back room of your mind, let him do some filing about all the regular triggers.
I finish work happy.
I speak to people at your door confidently. I talk to people on the phone, engage them in conversation – 3 people in one night. That’s pretty awesome for someone who usually hates talking on the phone.
Then something. Someone spoils it.
I shouldn’t let them. But they do. They make me irritable. Annoyed. Slightly angry…. don’t they know I was doing great today.
But what was different today – I spotted my mood. I’m writing this before I meditate. I spotted the signs of mr anxiety trying to move back into the driving seat. That has to be a positive step right?
I think, maybe I could actually use my over analysing to conquer my ever busy mind. Maybe if I can analyse and recognise when I’m falling then I’ll know when I need to step up full on coping strategies.
Sounds simple – I wish it was…